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[It's probably better that conversation between them stops, such as it is. They never really seem to get anywhere when they talk anyway and he'd rather that Dex bite his lip and make it hurt instead of trying to have some kind of talk. He doesn't want this to be gentle or romantic and he never has, and never will. Being here at all with Dex is often as much about self flagellation as it is anything else. A way of burning himself with the worst of his choices and his mistakes and it doesn't seem like Dex is ever bothered by his motivations so he won't be either.
Dex is forward and Matt doesn't mind. He tangles his fingers in Dex's hair and uses the angle and his own strength to push him backwards until his back hits against a wall. Distracting as those talented fingers are, he's not looking for foreplay.]
Dex is forward and Matt doesn't mind. He tangles his fingers in Dex's hair and uses the angle and his own strength to push him backwards until his back hits against a wall. Distracting as those talented fingers are, he's not looking for foreplay.]
You shouldn't.
[Yes, they'd both been associated with Matt and that had led directly to their deaths, but Dex knows he also made his own decisions there. He could have walked away, could have stopped associating with either of the Fisks at either time, could have chosen a thousand other options other than the ones he did.]
You are annoyingly persistent in trying to find out the truth, you know that?
[Yes, they'd both been associated with Matt and that had led directly to their deaths, but Dex knows he also made his own decisions there. He could have walked away, could have stopped associating with either of the Fisks at either time, could have chosen a thousand other options other than the ones he did.]
You are annoyingly persistent in trying to find out the truth, you know that?
Shouldn't blame you or blame myself? Because both seem perfectly reasonable things to do in my not so humble opinion on the matter.
The truth is important. It's the crux of law, even if you don't believe in it, so maybe that's my particular fascination.
The truth is important. It's the crux of law, even if you don't believe in it, so maybe that's my particular fascination.
[Dex feels a sharp twinge in his back for a moment when he ends up smacking against the wall. Matt's strong even when he's not trying to punch Dex in the face and that's actually kind of a turn on for him. If they end up leaving a few dents in the wall during this whole match, that's all the better for him.
He arches his head back a little bit when Matt's fingers dig into his hair with a small grunt of pleasure, reminiscent of when Matt had done the same thing when Dex had asked him to come see him in prison. Even then, Dex had wanted this exact situation to happen, turned on by the fearless nature the lawyer had in the face of someone who was a natural-born killer.
He quickly slides his own pants and underwear off. If Matt wants to get to the main event that badly, so much the better.]
He arches his head back a little bit when Matt's fingers dig into his hair with a small grunt of pleasure, reminiscent of when Matt had done the same thing when Dex had asked him to come see him in prison. Even then, Dex had wanted this exact situation to happen, turned on by the fearless nature the lawyer had in the face of someone who was a natural-born killer.
He quickly slides his own pants and underwear off. If Matt wants to get to the main event that badly, so much the better.]
Shouldn't blame yourself. Not as much as you do.
I was always more interested in the enforcement side of law and order. The truth has never interested me all that much.
I was always more interested in the enforcement side of law and order. The truth has never interested me all that much.
That's easy for you to say when you don't take all that much personal responsibility.
Of course you were. Nothing about that surprises me in the slightest, even if maybe you should've cared about it.
Of course you were. Nothing about that surprises me in the slightest, even if maybe you should've cared about it.
[Matt figures that Dex can take a little bit of a love-tap against the wall when they collide against it. He has a perfect understanding of where everything is in the room so it was a good enough space to be shoved against without anything to dig into his spine. There doesn't ever seem like there would be the possibility for anything slow, sweet or gentle with them and he will never seek it out. Not with Dex. He wants it to hurt. Needs it to. If he wanted to feel anything other than the sizzle of of his nerves, it'd be someone else that he'd be kissing recklessly in his apartment.
He tugs at Dex's hair again, enough to sting and so he can smell the salt of watered eyes, and then he lets go long enough to strip off the rest of his clothes. There's a bruise on his hip that he wears that mingles scars but he knows Dex well enough to know it won't be a turn-off. He pushes Dex back against the wall again when there is nothing between them and kisses sharply, harshly.]
I should make you beg to fuck me.
He tugs at Dex's hair again, enough to sting and so he can smell the salt of watered eyes, and then he lets go long enough to strip off the rest of his clothes. There's a bruise on his hip that he wears that mingles scars but he knows Dex well enough to know it won't be a turn-off. He pushes Dex back against the wall again when there is nothing between them and kisses sharply, harshly.]
I should make you beg to fuck me.
I'd need to feel guilt in order to do that. And I don't. Not about any of what happened at least.
My time was spent trying pass off as a barely functional person on a day-to-day basis while finding some sort of personal satisfaction in what I did.
My time was spent trying pass off as a barely functional person on a day-to-day basis while finding some sort of personal satisfaction in what I did.
If you did ever manage to feel it, it would and should fucking suffocate you for the things you did, you know.
And how did all of that work out for you, Dex?
And how did all of that work out for you, Dex?
Makes me glad I never will then.
I was fine for fifteen years, thank you very much.
I was fine for fifteen years, thank you very much.
[There's a pained hiss from Dex as Matt tugs on his hair again. He enjoys being hurt in this very particular way, letting it block out everything else inside of him that's always in turmoil. One of his hands is gripping Matt's right arm, nails digging there into the skin. When Matt breaks off the kiss again, Dex smiles, though it's more of a show of bared teeth than anything else.]
You can certainly try.
[And will probably succeed. Dex certainly doesn't have willpower that strong in the heat of the moment.
He cranes his head to the side and bites down on Matt's shoulder hard. He's determined to leave more than a few marks on Matt so that he'll be reminded of him for days afterwards. He wants to be in the man's thoughts as much as he possibly can be.]
You can certainly try.
[And will probably succeed. Dex certainly doesn't have willpower that strong in the heat of the moment.
He cranes his head to the side and bites down on Matt's shoulder hard. He's determined to leave more than a few marks on Matt so that he'll be reminded of him for days afterwards. He wants to be in the man's thoughts as much as he possibly can be.]
I'm sure there's some sense of relief to knowing that you won't ever have to care about what you did.
And where are you now?
And where are you now?
[Matt hisses through the sharp immediate pain of the bite on his shoulder that will leave a bruise that he might not be able to see but he'll sure as hell feel when he moves his arm. He knows that's the point. He shoves Dex back, using more force than he would ever dare with anyone else to push him back again. His fingers dig into Dex's hips, hard enough so that there will be little crescents of his fingernails left in the wake. He leans in and brushes his lips against Dex's, soft and almost sweet except for what it is and what it means. A teasing. A push and pull.]
Tell me what you want, Dex.
Tell me what you want, Dex.
It doesn't keep me up at night, that's for sure.
Drowning in deep water with no way to get back to the surface.
Drowning in deep water with no way to get back to the surface.
[Dex can feel those fingers that had been curled into a fist and socking him on the jaw so many times before this digging into his hips now. There's a shuddering breath from him at feeling Matt's lips on his and he licks them for a moment, eyes roving over Matt's body and then looking into that unfocused gaze. He fights against his feelings for a moment before speaking, his voice rough with lust.]
I want you to fuck me. To make me forget about everything else but you.
I want you to fuck me. To make me forget about everything else but you.
I'm glad one of us can sleep, I guess.
That's the thing about drowning, Dex. You get so desperate for something to hold onto that you'll pull someone else down with you.
That's the thing about drowning, Dex. You get so desperate for something to hold onto that you'll pull someone else down with you.
[Matt's hands learned Dex by fists and violence long before they fell into this and maybe it has made him a better, more effective lover. A strange thing to consider while they're kissing and the touch is a push and pull of lust.]
I'm not convinced that you need me to forget everything.
[It's not a no. Just an observation. Dex doesn't carry things the way Matt does. All the same, he pulls them back from the wall and toward the bed and expensive silk sheets]
I'm not convinced that you need me to forget everything.
[It's not a no. Just an observation. Dex doesn't carry things the way Matt does. All the same, he pulls them back from the wall and toward the bed and expensive silk sheets]
Is that what you think I've been doing all this time? Pulling others down with me?
Shows what you know.
[Still, Dex allows himself to be pulled toward that rather comfortable bed with its soft sheets. When he feels the edges of the bed up against his legs, he leans back onto it with a hand curled around Matt's neck to pull him towards Dex's body.
He pushes himself up, kissing Matt with that harsh, nearly desperate air that he knows is what the other man wants out of him. This made him feel alive in a way that nothing else did.]
[Still, Dex allows himself to be pulled toward that rather comfortable bed with its soft sheets. When he feels the edges of the bed up against his legs, he leans back onto it with a hand curled around Matt's neck to pull him towards Dex's body.
He pushes himself up, kissing Matt with that harsh, nearly desperate air that he knows is what the other man wants out of him. This made him feel alive in a way that nothing else did.]
You don't think you have been? You don't think that you've held on tightly and forced others under with you?
[Dex doesn't carry tragedy and remorse the way that Matt does. Or the same kind of self loathing, for that matter. He's not sure what he gets from this since it's not the same as what Matt receives when fingers tug at hair and skin and leave bruising in their wake. He kisses Dex fiercely once they're down on the mattress and rolls them with the a fighter's ease so Dex is below him and Matt has control. That's what Dex seems to want, isn't it? So fuck it, he'll lose the last of his self respect all over again and give it to him.]
[What is Dex getting out of this? Even he’s not entirely sure. But he does know that he’s always desperate in his life to have connections he’s never quite sure how to form. But what he does know is that Matt is willing to let him stick around, even if it’s just because the sex is good. That’s more than anyone else around him is willing to do and so Dex keeps coming back like some sad, stray, and murder-inclined puppy.
He struggles a little when Matt pins him so easily but there’s no way he’s going to be able to escape that grasp. Eventually, he surrenders control to let Matt do what he wants. As for Dex, he digs in hard with his nails and bites at Matt’s skin with his teeth, wanting to leave his mark on the vigilante and give him something to remember him by.]
He struggles a little when Matt pins him so easily but there’s no way he’s going to be able to escape that grasp. Eventually, he surrenders control to let Matt do what he wants. As for Dex, he digs in hard with his nails and bites at Matt’s skin with his teeth, wanting to leave his mark on the vigilante and give him something to remember him by.]
I never really thought about it like that.
[But then he thinks of those that would still be alive if he hadn’t given into his worst self. Julie. Ray. The priest. All dead because of him and no one else simply because he kept lashing out and couldn’t stop. If ever Dex could feel bad about what he'd done, this would be the point. As it stands, he just knows those deaths didn't make him feel good the way it sometimes did when he killed other people. There was just a hollow feeling left over after those kills.]
[But then he thinks of those that would still be alive if he hadn’t given into his worst self. Julie. Ray. The priest. All dead because of him and no one else simply because he kept lashing out and couldn’t stop. If ever Dex could feel bad about what he'd done, this would be the point. As it stands, he just knows those deaths didn't make him feel good the way it sometimes did when he killed other people. There was just a hollow feeling left over after those kills.]
I wouldn't expect that you had. You cause damage and that's something to consider if that's what you want to leave behind you or if you want to be better than that.
[He's not holding Dex so hard or so squarely that he wouldn't be able to end this if he chose to, but he has a feeling that it's the chance at surrender that Dex seems to want. Matt can give him that. He knows what Dex is doing with the bite and he draws his neck back, denying him that after he's already left a mark so he can't darken it further. If he wants to play games? They can play.
Matt lets go long enough to reach for Dex's hips, digging his fingers in.]
Tell me exactly what you want.
[He knows. He just wants to hear it again. Maybe something a little closer to begging]
Matt lets go long enough to reach for Dex's hips, digging his fingers in.]
Tell me exactly what you want.
[He knows. He just wants to hear it again. Maybe something a little closer to begging]
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